I have historically been utterly shit at celebrations. And I promise I’m not bashing myself. I’m only being honest - I have never really managed the insta-worthy crafting, baking, song-singing, intentional, wonder-filled moments when everyone gathers, all starry-eyed and full of joy, to celebrate something. Like the winter solstice, for example, which happens to be today. Or like, ANYTHING ELSE.
Historically, I have simply forgotten, arrived at the day, realised via instagram that it was THE DAY, and then realised I was woefully unprepared and decided that next year would be better. Historically, I told myself I wasn’t good at celebrations. But that perhaps one day, one mythical day, I would be.
But here are some rather disjointed thoughts about celebrations, in the event that you, too, are “not good at celebrations”:
Stop trying to be perfect. If you’re holding out for the year when all the stars align and you are fully immersed in a beautiful day of celebration, stop. That day is not coming. You are most probably not one of those people, if those people even exist, who has it all planned months in advance and is non-stop delighted throughout the celebratory day. I am not that person, and I never will be, and do you know what? I don’t wanna be. Even just thinking of that person is exhausting. I mean, if you’re that person and you feel mentally and physically well, then great. But I am not. I will never be. And that is okay.
Celebrations can look all sorts of ways. They can look like sipping your coffee in the morning and just thinking, Oh! It’s *insert important day* today! then moving on. They can look like reading a themed book, in an utterly mundane way. They can look like buying a pie at the store. They can look like carefully planning a cool activity and your kids preferring to play video games. They can look like lighting a candle and taking a moment. Or lighting a candle and setting off your smoke alarm (actual real life story).
You don’t have to celebrate everything, every single month of every single year. That whole sentence is exhausting. Stop doing it. Pick a few good things that feel like fun and enjoyable and that your whole family may be willing to indulge you with, or even actively participate in. Do those. Do them in a half-arsed way, if you need to. Nobody cares, only your inner critic. And they can just stfu.
Doing less, consistently is better than trying to do so much you end up doing nothing because you realise it can’t all be done at the required level of perfection.
I would say, plan ahead. But who am I kidding? If you are someone who plans the whole year in January (or whenever those people do it), then sure. But if you’re not that person, all you probably need right now is empathy, not planning advice. You don’t need to plan ahead.
Also, I’ve reflected a lot on why I even celebrate. Why is it important for me? Why does it matter to our family? What is the point? I love the IDEA of ritual and celebration but it just doesn’t come naturally to me. I never have the right books for whatever month it is, I never have the right decorations and noone’s ever in the right mood for the activity I’ve pulled out of my ass at the last minute. But I still care about our small daily rituals, and I stick to a few small things that I repeat ad nauseam until they are just part of the fabric of our lives. I suppose that in itself is celebratory.
In terms of the big, once a year moments, I’ve just become super selective. I celebrate only a handful of things, and I celebrate them in a very minimalist, half-assed way. I don’t plan, I just mostly improvise. I don’t make an effort for holidays I don’t care about, like Halloween. My kids care enough that they will make the effort for me - win win! I also kind of ignore the monthly themes because I make a point of reading and learning and talking about LGBTQ+ or disabled or indigenous people and stories year round. I don’t have to save it all for one month. Any day can be cupcake day or Earth day or Wear pjs all Day day.
So yeah - make of this email what you will. This is what we do. Sometimes it will look dreamy and sometimes there will be no picture because it was mostly kinda hellish (and when it’s hellish, I don’t have time to take pics).
And on that note, happy half-assed holidays!!
Fran x
I feel this, Fran! We’re not big celebrators either for many of the reasons you listed. Maybe it’s a reflection of our individual temperaments, neurodiversity, etc. But mostly I think we’re just disconnected from all the pomp of other people’s traditions. (Groundhog’s day? What the hell even is that?!) I think the little customs and celebrations that each family creates or falls into are much more important (read: meaningful). Maybe groundhog’s day was one Roald Dahl-type family’s meaningful tradition and it was awesome until it was standardized and forced onto the masses. Maybe our dislike for national holidays and monthly themes is more of an aversion to power-over situations.