Instead of a full-blown post today, I’m going to be around to chat about unschooling and Neurodiversity.
So many of us come to unschooling, home education, or centering consent due to our neurodivergent, or differently wired children.
Some of us arrive at homeschooling for different reasons, then recognise that we probably would have ended up here anyway because our ND children would have struggled, or even been harmed, by mainstream schooling.
Some of us are in the throes of figuring out our own neurodivergence after recognizing our children’s (hey there, it’s me!!)
Some of us are perhaps struggling with parenting our ND kids, and struggling with educating them too, whether they go to school or not!
Shall we make a thread to share our stories and celebrate our ND families?
What brought you here? How are your children neurodivergent? How are YOU ND? (If you feel like sharing of course!).
The most honest thing I can share is that we’re pretty sure L is PDA autistic and we are waiting for an evaluation - he has expressed that he wants to know, so he’s booked in for an assessment in March.
P and I are still not really sure. I’m slowly piecing all the bits of the puzzle together but I see myself in the PDA profile: it makes everything make sense! I also used to think I was highly sensitive and that sort of led to where I am now.
Come say hello below and share your thoughts, experience, recommendations or just ask a question and maybe someone with knowledge or lived experience will respond!
I’m a bit late to this convo, thanks for sharing your stories everyone. It’s been about 3 years since we suspected my son is autistic. For ages we debated about getting a diagnosis, finally a few months ago I put his name down on a bunch of waiting lists. The wait time here for an assessment , even if paying privately, is 12-18 months. My plan was to talk to him over the next year or so and see if he wanted to get an assessment. However, I got a call from one of the clinics 2 weeks ago and they had a cancellation so we quickly had to make a choice. My son was so awesome, when we started talking about it, he was actually the one that asked if he could get assessed. He just wanted to know either way. So long story short, he had an autism assessment a few days ago. The whole experience was super positive. We are waiting for the full report but the psychologist confirmed he is autistic. The good thing now is that we can get funding for seeing an OT or other support he might want to assess.
It's taken so long for us to get to our current understanding of ourselves as a family and it's an iterative, evolving process. I'm autistic, diagnosed age 42 a year after my daughter (at age 11), but her ADHD was missed for another 3.5yrs with two long hospital admissions in the midst of all that. Exhausting. I'm so very glad she's out of the school system now and my husband and I are both out of the employment system (now have own businesses). We're doing things our own way and that's just how it has to be.
Feeling so grateful for you and this space, Fran! We’re almost two years into our awareness of ND (as it relates to our kiddo). Our eldest child’s challenges have made me realize our similar struggles. She is gender diverse and ticks off many things that fit under ADHD/PDA. Alongside all of this we’ve had a huge loss in our family and life changing medical issues, so I’ve been on the edge of burnout for these 2+ years as well. On the bright side, all this has helped us embrace unschooling and low demand lifestyle.
I’m on the fence about a formal evaluation. I love having all the information possible, but 1) she’s not asking for it 2) the process thru insurance is difficult/there’s a forever waitlist for neurodiversity affirming peds 3) it doesn’t seem “worth it” to pursue out of pocket when all it might give us is a label? IDK-I can see how it would be supere helpful to give more language to those who may not understand (grandparents?) but there’s its no emergency right now. A bit ironic (or maybe not?) because the grandparent that struggles the most is the most similar (my dad-you think things might be related? 😂)
My oldest (8) is diagnosed autistic, I think also PDA. Through the diagnosis process for him, I came to realize that I am also autistic, probably also PDA, though I have no desire to be formally diagnosed. I spent all of my pre-motherhood years masking (pretty well) and then hit the wall of autistic burnout once my kids came along and many of my coping mechanisms fell apart. But now that I have a better understanding of what is happening with both my own brain and my child’s, I am slowly climbing out of the hole.
I actually came to homeschooling (and unschooling) before I even had kids because traditional school was always such an awful experience for me that I promised myself I would never make my hypothetical children go through it. And in college I discovered the books of John Holt and never looked back.
So far so good for us, I guess. My son is super self-motivated and also super resistant to any suggestions, so I’m more hands-off than my deeply schooled brain thinks I should be, but he is happy and we have a good relationship, and that’s really all I’m aiming for. When I’m full of doubt and second-guessing everything, I try to parent him the way I wish someone would have parented me (I had wonderful parents, but they had no idea what to do with me). I have found that loving and celebrating my autistic son has allowed me to love and celebrate 8-year-old autistic me, and let go of a lot of self-judgement I’ve carried, and that has been really healing and freeing.
We are about three years down the ND rabbit hole at this point, having gone from “maybe these are signs of ND” in a child related to pandemic stress, to “every human I’ve ever connected with has been ND.” I literally am not sure I know an NT person. This also comes from being so deep in home and unschooling community, with a partner who works in tech, living in a tech hub community. And growing up in ND families.
I’m also in my second year of my doctorate in education, with a focus on neurodiversity and SDE. It’s ironic that my first inclination, as a life-long proponent of SDE, was to jump back into formal education. Ha. I swim well in academic waters and it has been a useful process - though I have come to realize that my knowledge, and the way I think about neurodivergence, is solidly grounded in lived experience and that’s how I want it to be.
It is useful to read the academic literature, but research is funded and defined by those who have power. We are starting to see more lived experience research, which is so exciting, but it’s slow.
My experience aligns best with AuDHD and that’s how I identify in ND spaces, but I more often stick with “neurodivergent” in other places these days or just on days I feel like rejecting everything besides being me. I don’t align at all with the DSM disorder narrative and I’m not saying I’m broken - I like the way my brain works. I’m giving myself permission to advocate when and where I feel up to it. To save my energy for those who are interested and wanting to listen.
There’s so much to untangle around neurodivergence, especially in separating out all the stereotypes and misconceptions that have been perpetuated from the outside.
It’s hard. And I’m finding myself fearful to start any diagnosis process for my kids because I feel like we’ll get the while ‘they’d be better off in school’. And there’s just no support available if you’re low income. I’ve had an especially hard morning. I guess I wish there were spaces our kids could go that were safe and supportive. I feel like I am not enough for my kids, even with a low demand unschooling lifestyle.
(Parent 1 diagnosed AuDHD, parent 2 suspected adhd. 3 kids suspected adhd/autism with probable pda for 2 of them.)
So great to hear other people’s experiences! My older child was in school for 1.5 years before Covid. He did fine in school but often did not want to go and I didn’t want to force him for the next many years so we decided to homeschool, which lead to unschooling because he was not interested in most of the activities and learning that I planned. We don’t have a diagnosis but he is definitely demand avoidant and was in burn out for much of last year. Still waiting to see if he’ll become more self motivated/directed but he is able to do a lot more now than a year ago. I’m starting to wonder if my younger child is ND. She hasn’t been to school and is pretty self motivated but struggles in group settings and has big feelings like her brother.
I’m not sure about me. I have pretty good executive function so I think that means I’m probably neurotypical? But I also see many of my kids challenging traits in myself and have struggled a lot with parenting two challenging kids.
Hey! Great post idea Fran! And this morning I finally feel like I have a bit of time and energy to engage! We were thrown into the world of unschooling in 2019 when my middle daughter who was then 8 was diagnosed as autistic and subsequently had a huge breakdown/autistic burnout. I started off just home educating/unschooling her whilst her sisters stayed in school but since then it’s become gradually apparent that we’re all ND in various ways and conventional schooling wasn’t a good fit for any of us! So now we’re all at home living and learning together. My youngest is I suspect ADHD/Autistic with a PDA profile, she is currently wanting a diagnosis so we’re saving for her to be seen next year. My eldest is happy just living her life as it is and doesn’t feel she wants a formal diagnosis at the moment. Over the last 2 years I’ve become more aware of my own ND and guess I’m probably PDA autistic with ADHD, I’m just a pro at masking! Xx
My youngest is PDA autistic. My eldest is autistic. My middle is about to have an ADHD assessment, and I’m about to have an autism and ADHD one! I 100% know I’m ADHD but I had enough autistic traits on assessment pre questionnaires to warrant an autism assessment too.
We came to unschooling because my youngest couldn’t access school after a year and a term of trying and hitting burnout, before we knew he was PDA. It HAS to be self-directed for him or it just doesn’t work. My middle decided to leave school this term, one week in, and join us. My eldest still wants to go to school and I push for all accommodations I can to make it work for her. She knows she has the choice to be at home with us any time (we wish she would as it exhausts her!) but are respecting her choice. I have really resonated with your recent posts as we have also found that once you start questioning one system (ie school) you start to question every system you suddenly realise you’re a part of!
I love the insta community of fellow unschoolers/ND families because sharing experiences and beliefs with others who get it enables us to feel less alone as we navigate a different path to the majority.
I’m a bit late to this convo, thanks for sharing your stories everyone. It’s been about 3 years since we suspected my son is autistic. For ages we debated about getting a diagnosis, finally a few months ago I put his name down on a bunch of waiting lists. The wait time here for an assessment , even if paying privately, is 12-18 months. My plan was to talk to him over the next year or so and see if he wanted to get an assessment. However, I got a call from one of the clinics 2 weeks ago and they had a cancellation so we quickly had to make a choice. My son was so awesome, when we started talking about it, he was actually the one that asked if he could get assessed. He just wanted to know either way. So long story short, he had an autism assessment a few days ago. The whole experience was super positive. We are waiting for the full report but the psychologist confirmed he is autistic. The good thing now is that we can get funding for seeing an OT or other support he might want to assess.
It's taken so long for us to get to our current understanding of ourselves as a family and it's an iterative, evolving process. I'm autistic, diagnosed age 42 a year after my daughter (at age 11), but her ADHD was missed for another 3.5yrs with two long hospital admissions in the midst of all that. Exhausting. I'm so very glad she's out of the school system now and my husband and I are both out of the employment system (now have own businesses). We're doing things our own way and that's just how it has to be.
Feeling so grateful for you and this space, Fran! We’re almost two years into our awareness of ND (as it relates to our kiddo). Our eldest child’s challenges have made me realize our similar struggles. She is gender diverse and ticks off many things that fit under ADHD/PDA. Alongside all of this we’ve had a huge loss in our family and life changing medical issues, so I’ve been on the edge of burnout for these 2+ years as well. On the bright side, all this has helped us embrace unschooling and low demand lifestyle.
I’m on the fence about a formal evaluation. I love having all the information possible, but 1) she’s not asking for it 2) the process thru insurance is difficult/there’s a forever waitlist for neurodiversity affirming peds 3) it doesn’t seem “worth it” to pursue out of pocket when all it might give us is a label? IDK-I can see how it would be supere helpful to give more language to those who may not understand (grandparents?) but there’s its no emergency right now. A bit ironic (or maybe not?) because the grandparent that struggles the most is the most similar (my dad-you think things might be related? 😂)
My oldest (8) is diagnosed autistic, I think also PDA. Through the diagnosis process for him, I came to realize that I am also autistic, probably also PDA, though I have no desire to be formally diagnosed. I spent all of my pre-motherhood years masking (pretty well) and then hit the wall of autistic burnout once my kids came along and many of my coping mechanisms fell apart. But now that I have a better understanding of what is happening with both my own brain and my child’s, I am slowly climbing out of the hole.
I actually came to homeschooling (and unschooling) before I even had kids because traditional school was always such an awful experience for me that I promised myself I would never make my hypothetical children go through it. And in college I discovered the books of John Holt and never looked back.
So far so good for us, I guess. My son is super self-motivated and also super resistant to any suggestions, so I’m more hands-off than my deeply schooled brain thinks I should be, but he is happy and we have a good relationship, and that’s really all I’m aiming for. When I’m full of doubt and second-guessing everything, I try to parent him the way I wish someone would have parented me (I had wonderful parents, but they had no idea what to do with me). I have found that loving and celebrating my autistic son has allowed me to love and celebrate 8-year-old autistic me, and let go of a lot of self-judgement I’ve carried, and that has been really healing and freeing.
We are about three years down the ND rabbit hole at this point, having gone from “maybe these are signs of ND” in a child related to pandemic stress, to “every human I’ve ever connected with has been ND.” I literally am not sure I know an NT person. This also comes from being so deep in home and unschooling community, with a partner who works in tech, living in a tech hub community. And growing up in ND families.
I’m also in my second year of my doctorate in education, with a focus on neurodiversity and SDE. It’s ironic that my first inclination, as a life-long proponent of SDE, was to jump back into formal education. Ha. I swim well in academic waters and it has been a useful process - though I have come to realize that my knowledge, and the way I think about neurodivergence, is solidly grounded in lived experience and that’s how I want it to be.
It is useful to read the academic literature, but research is funded and defined by those who have power. We are starting to see more lived experience research, which is so exciting, but it’s slow.
My experience aligns best with AuDHD and that’s how I identify in ND spaces, but I more often stick with “neurodivergent” in other places these days or just on days I feel like rejecting everything besides being me. I don’t align at all with the DSM disorder narrative and I’m not saying I’m broken - I like the way my brain works. I’m giving myself permission to advocate when and where I feel up to it. To save my energy for those who are interested and wanting to listen.
There’s so much to untangle around neurodivergence, especially in separating out all the stereotypes and misconceptions that have been perpetuated from the outside.
It’s hard. And I’m finding myself fearful to start any diagnosis process for my kids because I feel like we’ll get the while ‘they’d be better off in school’. And there’s just no support available if you’re low income. I’ve had an especially hard morning. I guess I wish there were spaces our kids could go that were safe and supportive. I feel like I am not enough for my kids, even with a low demand unschooling lifestyle.
(Parent 1 diagnosed AuDHD, parent 2 suspected adhd. 3 kids suspected adhd/autism with probable pda for 2 of them.)
So great to hear other people’s experiences! My older child was in school for 1.5 years before Covid. He did fine in school but often did not want to go and I didn’t want to force him for the next many years so we decided to homeschool, which lead to unschooling because he was not interested in most of the activities and learning that I planned. We don’t have a diagnosis but he is definitely demand avoidant and was in burn out for much of last year. Still waiting to see if he’ll become more self motivated/directed but he is able to do a lot more now than a year ago. I’m starting to wonder if my younger child is ND. She hasn’t been to school and is pretty self motivated but struggles in group settings and has big feelings like her brother.
I’m not sure about me. I have pretty good executive function so I think that means I’m probably neurotypical? But I also see many of my kids challenging traits in myself and have struggled a lot with parenting two challenging kids.
Hey! Great post idea Fran! And this morning I finally feel like I have a bit of time and energy to engage! We were thrown into the world of unschooling in 2019 when my middle daughter who was then 8 was diagnosed as autistic and subsequently had a huge breakdown/autistic burnout. I started off just home educating/unschooling her whilst her sisters stayed in school but since then it’s become gradually apparent that we’re all ND in various ways and conventional schooling wasn’t a good fit for any of us! So now we’re all at home living and learning together. My youngest is I suspect ADHD/Autistic with a PDA profile, she is currently wanting a diagnosis so we’re saving for her to be seen next year. My eldest is happy just living her life as it is and doesn’t feel she wants a formal diagnosis at the moment. Over the last 2 years I’ve become more aware of my own ND and guess I’m probably PDA autistic with ADHD, I’m just a pro at masking! Xx
My youngest is PDA autistic. My eldest is autistic. My middle is about to have an ADHD assessment, and I’m about to have an autism and ADHD one! I 100% know I’m ADHD but I had enough autistic traits on assessment pre questionnaires to warrant an autism assessment too.
We came to unschooling because my youngest couldn’t access school after a year and a term of trying and hitting burnout, before we knew he was PDA. It HAS to be self-directed for him or it just doesn’t work. My middle decided to leave school this term, one week in, and join us. My eldest still wants to go to school and I push for all accommodations I can to make it work for her. She knows she has the choice to be at home with us any time (we wish she would as it exhausts her!) but are respecting her choice. I have really resonated with your recent posts as we have also found that once you start questioning one system (ie school) you start to question every system you suddenly realise you’re a part of!
I love the insta community of fellow unschoolers/ND families because sharing experiences and beliefs with others who get it enables us to feel less alone as we navigate a different path to the majority.