What if we believed that children were born with innate wisdom.
What if we believed that we didn’t know best, just different.
What if we woke up one morning, and the adult world could see clearly that children are whole, fully-formed people – worthy of many of the same rights as adults, worthy of protection AND respect.
Worthy of being spoken to in full sentences, not questions we already know the answer to.
Worthy of being asked about who they are and what they care about - not about what we want them to be and what we care about.
Worthy of being seen and accepted exactly as they are NOW, not as we hope they will be some day.
Worthy of inhabiting public spaces - because “public” belongs to them too.
Worthy of not being judged. Because judgment so often comes from the cobwebby crevices of ourselves we despise - and when we see inklings of that in a child, we pounce. I’ve done it.
Worthy of making their own decisions – because we trust that we can be partners, not owners.
What if we believed young people had their own gifts to bring to the table – gifts we don’t fully understand anymore, because we aren’t children. Gifts that can’t be measured or or rationalized or explained.
What if we consulted with children on decisions that involve them because they are the experts on being them. And also in decisions that involve us all because they are part of “us all.”
What if we saw all children’s bodies as good. If we finally admitted their bodies belong to them alone.
What if we saw children’s behavior as a battle cry, an appeal to be heard, a form of resistance.
What if we saw the way they armor up for the world, and instead of praising it, buckled down and built a world where they could leave their armor at the door.
What if we recognized we didn’t have to dominate our own children - not at home, not at school, not anywhere.
What if we let our guard down - like, just permanently. And assumed the best of our young people, always.
What if.. what would you wish for?
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It bewilders me that children and adults are seen as separate members of society and children are often still treated as lesser, or at least that they must somehow earn their right to the same respect and autonomy adults have. We are all just people, and all learning and adjusting every day - that is not exclusive to childhood. Thought provoking post as always :)
I guess my question is, biologically, animals evolve. Babies definitely can’t talk or manage themselves. Isn’t autonomy better seen as a slow development of maturity? I’m not saying children are ours to domineer or dominate at all, firstly because it doesn’t make sense for all the reasons you have discussed many times, but secondly because it mostly doesn’t work - which is what every great piece of children’s literature tells us, too, but I digress. To me it just seems like there are still many areas for my 9 year old eldest where I want to guide her and give her context and parameters for decision making and also honestly make the decisions. I manage money for a living. No one let me make the big decisions for years and years. And they were right not to! In the unforgiving world of equity investing (unforgiving because the market judges you fail), it takes a long time to “season” and to learn to react “not too fast, not too slow” to new information. To me children are very human but lacking in maturity, context, and the humility to doubt their own judgment (which we all should do).